Beating Your Own Ass Up
Behaviour is self-sabotaging when in attempting to solve or cope with a problem, it instigates new problems, interferes with long-term goals, and unsettles relationships.
There are many reasons for self sabotaging behaviour, but the main reason is due to a lack of confidence in one’s self/low self esteem. You are sabotaging yourself, because deep down you feel you don’t deserve any better, when you CREATE problems for yourself which interfere in your life, and having all that you would desire for it. You become preoccupied on the ‘coping,’ rather than the living of life, and concentrate on that to get you through. Don’t let ‘coping’ with your life become sabotaging your life – Procrastination, self medication leading to addiction, comfort eating, and cutting yourself, to name a FEW. Not to mention the absolutely ABHORRENT way in which you speak to yourself.
Self sabotage is like your own Fight Club or an MMA cage fight, which the subconscious, hulking you, tends to win. Why? Because you believe you don’t deserve it. Or don’t deserve something better.
“You can’t imagine just how much believing in negative thoughts is affecting your life…until you stop.”
― Charles F. Glassman
Concentrate on BUILDING THE GOOD – YOUR good, not someone else’s. Try giving yourself a break from the daily, if not hourly, mental fisticuffs you have with yourself. Start with FORGIVING YOURSELF. Improve your self esteem, not through external coping mechanisms or people, but through your own confidence in knowing you DO have the skills and wherewithal – TO DO WHAT YOU WANT. Prove it to yourself, and no one else. It always starts, and stops, with you. No matter where you are. Everything flows from there.
Get comfy with anxiety – don’t let anxiety dictate your goals and/or life. Learn to forge ahead in spite of it. And doing so again and again will only lessen the anxiety and strengthen your resolve. Anxiety occurs in ALL of us. It just depends on how you’ve let it affect you, your life, and decisions. Don’t let it get the best of you. Yes, do something uncomfortable, but that you’ve always wanted to do. And keep on doing that. The others you see having a great time have learned to have a good time, and go after it, in spite of the anxiety. They’ve learned to speak up for themselves, and have made it a habit, in spite of the anxiety. If it’s crippling and you feel you can’t do anything, then seek HELP. Strive to become strong enough to endure feeling bad. Everyone does this, in the attainment of goals. See the goal and go through any obstacle.
You may experience self sabotage with such things as: self pity, overeating, excessive anger, procrastination, drinking, drugs, self defeating mindset, gambling or spending too much on needless things, sex, failing to take action, violence, etc. Basically, anything in behaviourial and/or mental altering excess that anesthetizes you, giving absolutely no value back to your life, other than to hide from it. Self-sabotaging behaviour results from a misguided attempt to alleviate negative feelings when these thoughts or actions will lead to new problems and destruction of long-term goals, relationships, and other important life factors.
Are these things fun? Yes! Are you going to have a craving when you experience an unexpected trigger? Probably. Will you pour that drink, or eat that cake? It’s up to you. You may not FEEL that way when the craving comes, but you CAN divert your attention like a parent with a tantrum thumping child. Think of the craving as a BIG RED FLAG waving to you, like a shy student raising their hand, for fear of further enraging. When something happens, try to be aware of it and your anger or uncomfortable feelings, so that you can identify the trigger. And then with this awareness of your anger, and perhaps it’s trigger, work back from there, hopefully healing the anger, or knowing how to deal with it, when, not if, but WHEN it arises again, or there’s another trigger.
Withholding healthy things from ourselves (yes, eating fleetingly fine tasting junk food and not exercising is WITHHOLDING an important aspect of good heath from yourself, even though your atrophied muscles say differently) when we are angry/frustrated/sad, we only intensify and make manifest these feelings and states of being. Even the most severe forms of self-sabotage (such as self-injury and physical aggression) often feel right because they help us to escape from the intense and uncomfortable negative emotions we’re experiencing, but don’t want to be.
You DESERVE to be happy and to be yourself. You DESERVE the wonderful life you want. Practice and cultivate those behaviours that are going to SERVE you. Don’t deny YOURSELF the good you deserve. You already have others doing that FOR you…