Jennifer Walters, J.D.

Anger and You

The more you give in to it, the bigger, and more out of control, it grows.

You can’t use your mind effectively, or productively, if anger controls it and you.  You literally change – physically and mentally – when you get angry, making it harder to talk yourself down.  Giving in to and flaming the anger will hurt mentally and physically.  Anger was meant to be the ‘Turbo’ button – for short boosts.  It’s hard on the system.  Any sustained usage is going to weaken the ‘machine.’

Just a few key reminders:

  • Listen to your anger. It’s your minds way of telling you something that you need to know, something that you need to deal with.  LEARN how to deal with anger before it ruins relationships, careers, and yourself.
  • Practice patience, especially with yourself. Celebrate those little victories over trying situations  or annoyances that you didn’t let get out of control, and lose your shit over.  One time becomes a habit, which leads to greater confidence, self esteem and ease in solving your problems, allowing you to move on and experience your life with more joy and happiness.
  • Know what you can and cannot change. Getting angry over something you have no control over is like spinning your wheels, smoking up the joint and getting nowhere FAST, with less tread, and wherewithal, than before.
  • Learn to ASSERTIVELY ask for what you need – make sure it’s fair, but make sure you’re needs are met so resentment –precursor cousin to anger – doesn’t start to form. If you’re not getting, or being denied what you need, it may be time to move on.  Respect yourself!
  • Reappraise or Reframe itTell yourself this small situation is a challenge, not a problem. And remember that you’re (probably) not the only one to have to deal with problems.
  • Learn and work with your triggers. Try and get to know which situations, or people, are going to ‘trigger,’ something in you and work to either resolve the situation or feelings, or move on if your basic needs – such as respect – are not being, or refused to be, met.
  • It’s YOUR CHOICE to be offended. Know what is OPINION, uninformed and subjective as it is, and know that it’s not YOUR truth.   You decide what your truth is.  Your belief in someone else’s opinion gives away ALL of your power.  They have A LOT less information about you.  Take what is useful to YOU – the good and the bad – and work with it, learn from it.  Don’t let it validate or crippled you.  It’s just opinion, and probably one that’s pretty fickle.
  • Practice forgiveness.   Replace your anger with good things. In depth information and how to’s here and here.  ***This is for YOU, NOT the other person.***

See previous posts on anger here and here, self sabotage here, and fair fighting here and here for more information and strategies on dealing with anger.

Stop willing.  Stop desiring.  Stop hating.

To conquer others is to have power.

To conquer yourself is to know The Way.

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